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PFAS are probably something you’ve heard of by now. If not, the craptain’s got your back.
Les gooooooooo
PFAS stands for per- and polyfluoroalkyl substances—a group of over 12,000+ types of synthetic chemicals used in industrial and consumer products since the 1940s, made to resist heat, grease, stains, and water. The pro is that they are pretty good at doing what they’re designed for. The one huge con is that they’re extremely resistant to degradation.
Common Uses
PFAS are lurking in:
Nonstick pans (Teflon-coated cookware)
Waterproof jackets (e.g. Gore-Tex and DWR coatings)
To-go food containers (grease-resistant paper & packaging)
Tooth floss (especially “glide” or “easy-slide” types)
Cosmetics (foundation, mascara, "long-lasting" or "waterproof" lipsticks)
Stain-resistant furniture & carpets
Firefighting foams (major source of groundwater contamination)
Drinking water (especially near industrial or military sites)
If it’s water-repellent, grease-resistant, or marketed as "nonstick," assume it’s made with PFAS.
♻️ Why They’re Called “Forever Chemicals”
Unlike natural compounds, PFAS are chemically designed not to degrade. They’re made of carbon-fluorine bonds, one of the strongest in chemistry. In other words, they can linger in the environment and your body for decades.
Even if you stopped all PFAS exposure today, your body would still be hosting them for years.
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What PFAS Do to Your Gut
Throwback to middle school biology: remember learning about the processes of bioaccumulation and biomagnification?
Well, PFAS build up over time (bioaccumulate), especially in the:
Liver
Kidneys
Intestines
Hormonal pathways
And the concentrations increase as you move up the food chain (biomagnify), which is why many are urging others to avoid eating certain foods like trout, which are apex predators known to have concerning levels of PFAS.
Gut-specific concerns:
PFAS disrupt your microbiome—reducing microbial diversity and promoting inflammation.
PFAS have also been found to alter gut bacteria in ways that may promote obesity, insulin resistance, and metabolic disease.
But wait, there’s more! They’ve also been linked to:
Thyroid dysfunction
Fertility issues
Immune suppression
Certain cancers
Can You Detox from PFAS?
Maybe—kind of. Here’s what might help:
1. Sauna Sweating
A 2013 study tested various PFAS detox methods via sweat, blood, and urine, but the results weren’t great.
2. Cholestyramine (Rx only)
This bile acid sequestrant binds certain PFAS in the gut and prevents reabsorption.
A 2023 study showed measurable PFAS reductions in patients taking cholestyramine.
Requires medical supervision and a prescription.
3. Activated Charcoal + Zeolite
These are known for binding to toxins in the gut. AC can also bind to PFAS, which the main mechanism used to filter out PFAS in certain kinds of water filters.
Worth exploring since there’s little downside and can be purchased easily. Just be sure to take them a few hours away from meals and other medications.
4. Support Liver & Gut Pathways
PFAS hitch a ride with bile—so improving bile flow (e.g. with bitters, fiber, TUDCA, bile supplements, or taurine-rich foods) may help with slow elimination.
Stay hydrated, poop regularly 😘
None of these are a sure-fire way of detoxing PFAS so your best bet is to try and avoid them in the first place. Ditch your non-stick pans, filter your water, sweat more, and the rest up to the man up in the clouds.
TL;DR
No tl;dr, just read the f*cking post
💩 SH*TTY MEMEZ 🤣
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That’s all for today, PoopMates. Go, fertilize the Earth. The planet needs you.
DISCLAIMER: The content provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.