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Gm, PoopMates.

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Incredible. Anyways,

In this post we’re discussing the PoopMates iteration of a famous proverb:

“You are what you eat…and poop.” (trademark pending)

Food Shouldn’t Be So Confusing

Vegetarian, pescatarian, FODMAPs, keto, carnivore—every year a new diet fad pops up, and everyone’s got opinions, swearing their way is the way.

Here’s the thing: there really is no one-size-fits-all. Everyone has different goals, grows up in different environments, and deals with their own unique state of health. The only way to figure out what works for you is to experiment. Trial and error.

BUT, there are two universal truths about diet you should know, no matter which path you end up choosing. Understanding them will be critical in deciphering what’s plausible—and what’s probably BS—when it comes to every new diet trend you hear about.

The First Truth: Processed Food Is Doing Most of the Harm

Before you even pick a diet camp, first thing’s first: processed foods are enemy #1. Full stop. They’re the root of why Americans are on perfect track to look like the humans at the end of Wall-E. The best diet—hands down—starts with fading this garbage. Then you can go from there.

“Processed” can mean a lot of things, but it doesn’t have to mean you can’t enjoy your favorite foods. You just have to use good ingredients. Here are some of the major offending ingredients that you should look out for:

🍞 Fortified flours
Stripped, bleached, and ‘enriched’ with synthetic nutrients that you should be getting from whole foods.
(Tip): Labels have to specify when flour is enriched, and will sometimes list when the flour is unbleached:

• Bleached: processed with chemicals like chlorine dioxide and benzoyl peroxide to achieve a certain color and texture.

• Enriched: fortified with synthetic nutrients including - thiamin (vitamin B1),  riboflavin (vitamin B2), niacin (vitamin B3), folic acid (vitamin B9), iron 

🛢️ Processed oils
Canola, soybean, corn, etc.—hot topic lately - more on this in the future. For starters, watch this video from Discovery’s ‘How It’s Made’ to learn about it’s manufacturing process. Here’s a tl;dr:

• “Vegetable oil” was originally used as an industrial lubricant.

• It’s processed with hexane, an ingredient in gasoline, and bunch of other chemicals.

• Humans ate primarily animal fats (saturated fats) until vegetables oils (polyunsaturated fats) went mainstream within the last 50-70 years.

🐛 Preservatives/pesticides
Great for scaling food production, nukes your gut. Read a previous post on glyphosate here.

Once you commit to start reading ingredient labels, you’ll be shook at what’s in some of our food—and how often you’re exposed to it. Not even gonna lie, it’s basically impossible to avoid them entirely for the average person too.

But, until we stop buying this stuff, they’re not gonna stop making it.

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

Making the effort to find out what’s in everything you eat is hard. The insane part? We used to not have to worry about this. Food used to actually be made with… food.

It’s not our fault things ended up this way—but it is our responsibility to start changing it.

Before we move on to the second truth, a quick shoutout to our sponsor, 1440. Their daily newsletter is great for a high level pulse on what’s going on in the world. They cover current events, finance, sports, and more. That’s how I found out Val Kilmer just passed away - RIP, king ❤️.

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The Second Truth

Part 1 - You Are What You Eat…

Diet is the most important variable for health. Hate it or love it, that’s just the way it is. For the strong-willed, this is great news—you can control this variable.

Where did the phrase come from?:

• Traced back to a French dude named Anthelme Brillat-Savarin.

• From his 1825 book Physiology of Taste: “Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.”

• Later popularized by a nutritionist named Victor Lindlahr in the 1920s—he wrote You Are What You Eat in 1942.

Lindlahr’s book was ahead of its time, and the wisdom still holds. He was championing whole foods and sounding the alarm on processed food even back then. Imagine how he’d feel about the SAD (Standard American Diet) today.

Fast forward to now: a groundbreaking study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (Jan 2025) revealed that a staggering 98.7% of your success in reaching your body goals—weight loss, gaining muscle, fixing weird health glitches, boosting energy, improving mood—comes down to what you eat. (Source)

Hear me out, if you eat a bunch of sh*t all the time, should anyone be surprised when you feel like sh*t too? Most people probably feel ‘okay’ because they eat just ‘okay.’ Now, imagine how you’d feel if you ate like a king or queen? 💅

There are so many reasons to love food—it’s delicious, expressive, a reason to gather with friends and family. That stuff is important too.

Just saying: if you have goals (body/health-related or not), you’ll be amazed how much easier they become once you dial in your diet.

Exercise and supplements are the cherry on top, but diet’s the cake.

Part 2 - …And Poop

PoopMates is continuing the legacy—taking the next step. Not only are you what you eat, you are ALSO what you poop.

Fr. Nail your diet, and your as*hole will thank you. We’re talking e f f o r t l e s s BMs—on schedule 👏, consistent 👏, satisfying 👏. No jump scares, no cliffhangers. Just smooth, predictable glory.

How do you know if you and your diet are vibing on the same frequency? Check the PoopMates logs, your BMs are always giving you clues:

• Frequency: Are you posting bangers daily, or is it a twice-a-week cameo?

• Ease of Passing: Like an olympic diving gold medalist or a John Wick movie?

• Gas: Blasting sound clouds on the regular?

Everybody wants to talk about how good food tastes going down your pie hole. No one ever wants to talk about how much it hurts exiting your poo hole. We’re gonna change that. This is history in the making. 🫡

TL;DR

1. You are what you eat…and poop. Happy gut, happy butt.

2. No matter which diet works best for you, avoiding processed foods is a good idea.

💩 SH*TTY MEMEZ 🤣

Blue Check Marks For The OGs

Lastly,

As a token of appreciation to our early users, we’re making all of you the first verified sh*tfluencers on the platform. Be sure to update the app below if your verified badge isn’t showing.

Also, be sure to follow our socials for more memes and gut-health related content.

That’s all for today, PoopMates. Go, fertilize the Earth! The planet needs you.

DISCLAIMER: The content provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.