Gm, Uranus is warmer than we thought.
Speaking of Uranus,
Still wiping your ass with toilet paper in the big ‘25? I have news for you big dawg, you are disgusting.
I am prepared to die on this hill.
The Year is 2025…
Brain chips are being installed in humans
AI is becoming increasingly more capable of completing human tasks
Concerts are no longer a safe space for having an affair
Jeffrey Epstein “killed himself” over a crime which apparently there’s no evidence of and we should totally just forget about it (I’m never forgetting about it bro)
And you're still walking around every day with shit smeared all over yourself?
This madness needs to end NOW.
Going #2 Stinks In America
I love making fun of Europeans and their lack of A/C as much as the next American does, but I’m afraid them having bidet culture gives them the upper hand.
Asia too… What good is it that Japan and Korea have the most advanced bidets the world has ever seen, when they don’t even have Taco Bell to put them to the test? That’s like giving a 13 year old a Ferrari that he can only drive in a parking lot.
WAKE 👏 UP 👏 AMERICA 👏
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“BuT BiDeTs ArE wEiRd”
I’m about to crash tf out ngl.
Ok sure, maybe they’re a little weird if you’ve never used one before.
But you know what’s even more weird? Being ok with shit on you while you’re sitting in a meeting at work, shuffling in your seat because your butthole itches.
“Bidets are weird” is not the dunk you think it is - it’s just a really fast way to out yourself as someone with poor hygiene.
When you know bro doesn’t wash his hands after pooping but you can’t prove it
A Bidet Will Change Your Life
Hear me out - Not only are bidets not weird at all, they’re actually the single most life changing household appliance I’ve ever bought and it’s not even close. If you have a couple spare $20 bills sitting around, putting that towards a bidet could have more of a positive impact than most other things you could spend that money on.
This was one of the biggest inspirations behind PoopMates too - to change bidet culture in America #BidetNationalism. That’s why poo points in the mobile app are redeemable for what we believe is one of the best and affordable bidets on the market, on gang.
TL;DR
If you’re still wiping your ass with TP in 2025, you need to reevaluate your priorities.
💩 SH*TTY MEMEZ 🤣
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That’s all for today, PoopMates. Go, fertilize the Earth. The planet needs you.
DISCLAIMER: The content provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.