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What if I told you, you’ve been pooping wrong your entire life? Anyone who’s ever taken a sh*t in the woods probably already knows what I’m talking about. (iykyk)
Let me explain.
Chairs Are The Problem
All western chairs, including toilets, park your hip 90-degree angle. That keeps the puborectalis muscle in a semi-contracted “kink.” This is problematic when pooping because it forces you to push harder and longer and increases the risk of constipation, fissures, and hemorrhoids.
Modern chairs are also why so many adults think they are inherently inflexible, when in reality it’s most likely because they stopped squatting regularly and sitting pretzel-style like we used to as kids.
The Biomechanics of the Squat
Squatting flexes the hips to ~35° and opens the anorectal angle from ~100° up to ~126°, turning your exit canal into a slip-n-slide instead of a kinked garden hose. X-rays have confirmed this too 😎.
Less intra-abdominal pressure → less vein-busting strain.
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What the Research Says
There are countless studies out there, like this one, this one, and this one that show that squatting leads to constipation relief, more complete and easier bowel movements, and up to 50% less time spent on the toilet.
If you’re pooping on company time, maybe don’t let your boss see that last one. And if you’re an employer, maybe get a squatty potty for all of your employees??? 🤔
How to Squat
Grab a footstool that’s between 6-10 inches (15-25 cm). Here’s the one that I use. (NOTE: the deeper you can squat, the more effective the position).
Plant feet shoulder-width on the stool. Knees rise above hips, mimicking a full squat.
Lean forward slightly, rest elbows on thighs, and relax the belly.
Breathe; let gravity and that newly-opened angle do the dirty work.
Pro Tip:
⚠️ WARNING ⚠️: By “pro tip,” I mean it - this is a tip for professional poopers only. You’ve been warned…
If you get caught needing to drop a deuce away from your home toilet + stool and you desire proper leverage, place your feet on the toilet lid and squat directly on the seat itself. Use whatever surrounds you for extra support.
Seriously, this is for black belt poopers only. Don’t even attempt this maneuver unless you consider yourself an expert. In fact, this technique is so advanced that it’s actually banned in public restrooms across Japan…
💩 SH*TTY MEMEZ 🤣
I’ll take 5
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That’s all for today, PoopMates. Go, fertilize the Earth. The planet needs you.
DISCLAIMER: The content provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.