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Gm poopieheads,
As the leading voice of the #BidetNationalism movement in America, I’d like to present yet another reason to fade toilet paper: ✨ c a n c e r ✨
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“Toilet paper causes cancer.”
No, toilet paper itself doesn’t. BUT…several studies show that TP often contains chemicals associated with endocrine disruption, immune effects, and even carcinogenicity — meaning it could be contributing to your overall toxic load in ways you’d rather avoid.
What’s often found in toilet paper
🔬 PFAS (“Forever Chemicals”)
A 2023 Environmental Science & Technology Letters study found PFAS in toilet paper samples worldwide and concluded that TP is an “unexpected source” of these persistent chemicals entering wastewater. PFAS have been linked to cancers, thyroid disorders, and fertility issues.
🔬 BPA & BPS from Recycling Streams
When recycled paper is used, BPA and BPS from thermal receipts often hitch a ride. This analysis found micrograms per gram of BPA in TP, a known endocrine disruptor with carcinogenic potential.
🔬 Phthalates & PAHs
A study analyzing toilet tissue in found phthalates, polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAHs), and chlorinated organics — with modeled cancer risks for lifetime dermal exposure. While more region-specific research is needed, it shows how variable quality control can be.
🔬 Chlorine Bleaching Byproducts (Dioxins)
Historically, elemental chlorine bleaching released dioxins — some of the most toxic, carcinogenic compounds known to us today. While modern bleaching methods drastically reduce these byproducts, choosing chlorine-free paper is still a safer bet.
✅ What to do
Go unscented, dye-free, and lotion-free
Look for PFAS-free and chlorine-free (TCF or PCF) labels.
Be cautious with recycled paper. Recycled materials like receipt paper are sources of BPA/BPS contamination.
Choose bamboo or alternative fibers — unbleached and PFAS-free applies here too.
Best option: USE 👏 A 👏 BIDET 👏
TL;DR Toilet paper itself won’t give you cancer — but depending on the kind you’re using, it can add to the chemical burden your body faces daily. Choose cleaner paper, go bidet-first, and never suffer from dingleberries again.
💩 SH*TTY MEMEZ 🤣
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That’s all for today, PoopMates. Go, fertilize the Earth. The planet needs you.
DISCLAIMER: The content provided in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.